Fathers' Day is today. Hey, it's Fathers' Day. Hey, Fathers' Day is today, guys. Fathers' Day. Yo, it's Fathers' Day. Just so you guys know, in case you weren't aware, it's, you know, Fathers' Day.
According to Hallmart or whatever those guys are called, Fathers' Day is about grilling steaks, and about books with titles like 1000 Things A Man Should Spit Before He Dies. This is a nice approach, I suppose.
But despite the media's blatant liberal and conservative bias, and despite 20 million fafillion bulillion dollars being spent advertising this holiday every year (citation needed), Fathers' Day isn't as big as Mothers' Day. I know that if I was dad, and my kid wrapped up a tie with 5 dogs playing poker on it, or presented a six month subscription to Field and Stream to me, I'd be heavily tempted to have a heart-to-heart with him.
Here's how I imagine it'd go:
Me: You know, Steggy, you don't let anybody tell you what kind of person you are. You're you.
Steg: Who else could I be, daddy?
Me: Just you, kiddo. Just Stegasaurus Lasagna Repko. But I'm just saying, I'd rather you spent your money on something YOU want- I don't really need any gifts, and especially not something that somebody just TOLD you I'm supposed to want. I'd rather you use your money for something that YOU want.
Steg: Oh daddy, Mommy gave me money for this!
Me: You spent your mother's money on a TIE?? Go to your room!
Steg: Can I play with Mommy's makeup first?
Me: Just don't spill anything on your books or you're IN BIG TROUBLE!
Steg (exeunt)
Me: I've gotta stop pampering these kids or they'll grow up and be boring.
Now, I'd prepared something clever for little Stegasaurus for the next Mothers' Day. It's all about how he doesn't get her anything and I send him to his room, and then ponder whether I'm enforcing a double standard or simply living in flow with life as it actually is, prioritizing and saving my energy and Steggy's seven-year-old impressionability and mental capacity for something more fundamental. But then I realized that I really don't know, and find that scenario difficult to even portray impartially.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, Happy Fathers' Day*! Have a great time kicking back and playing a round of golf with the old man. Watch some baseball on TV, eat something with your hands, and do manly things like bond over a game of catch or watch a Rocky marathon on Spike TV! Enjoy your day!
*For the record, I love golf, baseball, pizza/wings/burgers/fries, catch, Rocky, AND Spike TV, even though I'm "poking fun" at whatever they're supposed to be representing here.
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